To track grief, note your sleep, daily tasks, time with others and moments of relief each week or month. Over several entries, the notes show whether life is opening up around the loss or whether you need more support. They cannot put mourning on a deadline.
Is it normal for grief to come and go?
Yes. Grief can shift from hour to hour. The American Psychiatric Association says that for most people, grief eases over time, even though it can flare up again. A hard anniversary, family event, song or memory may follow a calmer week, and that does not erase earlier progress.
There is no single correct way to grieve. Sadness, anger, numbness, relief, guilt and longing can appear together. Your culture, faith, family expectations, the relationship and the circumstances of the death all shape how you mourn.
So the useful question is not "Should I be over this?" Ask instead what has changed in your ability to live alongside the loss. If your loss is a breakup rather than a death, see tracking mental health after a breakup. For a marriage ending, see tracking mental health through divorce.
How can I tell if it is more than grief?
Grief that stays severe and keeps disrupting daily life may need a professional's attention. The American Psychiatric Association's description of prolonged grief disorder requires more than ongoing sadness. For an adult, the death must have occurred at least 12 months earlier. For a child or adolescent, the interval is at least 6 months.
Severe grief must also persist, cause significant distress or problems with daily life, and exceed expected cultural, social, or religious norms. Only a doctor or therapist can apply these criteria. Your notes can still show how often symptoms occur, what you can no longer do, and whether anything has changed.
Depression can look like grief, because both can bring sleep trouble, low energy, appetite change and poor concentration. The National Institute of Mental Health describes depression as persistent symptoms that affect daily activities. To tell them apart, a doctor also asks about timing, health conditions, medicines, past mental health and the loss itself.
What should I track, and how often?
Pick four or five things that matter to you, and note them on the same day each week or month. Good choices include how often grief felt overwhelming and any change in sleep or appetite. You might also note how you managed work, school, care and household tasks, and your time with supportive people.
Places, people or memories you avoided are worth noting too, and so are moments of interest, comfort or connection. Add a line about events that might explain a change, such as a funeral, an anniversary or a health problem. That line often explains more than a score.
Look at several entries together instead of judging one day. Do not turn the record into a test you must pass. Pause or simplify it if it makes you more distressed or keeps you focused on every small change. Stop if it adds work without helping you decide anything.
Can a depression questionnaire help?
A questionnaire can add a standard measure to your notes, but it does not measure grief. The PHQ-9 asks about common depression symptoms over the past two weeks, and the GAD-7 does the same for anxiety. Their guides explain PHQ-9 results and GAD-7 results. A score cannot tell whether grief or depression is behind a symptom, and it is not a diagnosis of either.
Because both questionnaires cover two weeks, taking one more often makes your answers overlap. Keep to a steady schedule, such as every two weeks or once a month. Then compare the overall direction with your notes. One higher score after a hard date does not prove that you are getting worse.
When should I get help?
You do not need to wait for an anniversary or meet a diagnosis before asking for support. Talk with a health professional sooner if grief is making basic responsibilities hard, substance use is increasing, or you are worried about your safety.
If you are having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, seek immediate support.
If you need help now. In the US, Call 988 or text 988. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger. Outside the US, contact your local emergency number or find support in your country.
When you make an appointment, bring your notes. They show when sleep or appetite changed and which tasks have become hard. They also show whether interest or connection still returns, and whether another event or health problem played a part. Add a line about the support you have now, so you can talk about what would help next.